imagine if you will, the world has gotten so overwhelming and lacking so much whimsy that it just sucks the whole life directly out your asshole.

that's about how i've been feeling between september and now.

my god it's so hard to just be alive, but still we must persist. we will make it out of this horrible series of historical events. we have to.

we're actually going back to japan in a couple days, right as a big winter storm is supposed to hit the whole lower half of the US. goody. as long as i can get off the ground and in a plane before the 14 feet of snow drops or whatever i don't really care. i'm not cancelling my trip this late i need it and i want to see my friends and my boyfriend dammit >:C

2025 whooped my ass and i'm taking revenge by being spitefully joyful and whimsical this year and that starts with my two weeks out of this shit ass country.

in other news i have fixed my teeth to the tune of 6 bands because i did try to use insurance to pay for it, but apparently!! that insurance sucked and was bad and didn't cover the two or three things i bought it for (dental that didn't cover my dentist, and medical that didn't cover my doctors visits or my medicine!! whack!!!) thankfully my grandma is very kind and helped pay for it, i can't thank her enough. my crowns are secure and my gap is back to a normal size and looks less like i could make keys with my front teeth. yay.

another small thing thats happened is my ceiling light has stopped working. i have yet to ask anyone to try and fix it for no other reason than i don't want to bother anyone and i'm so very very lazy. it's definitely not doing good things to my brain space because i have a bird brain, and bird brain says oh dark? night night time. and i have been taking way more naps lately due to the soft yellow light coming from the lamp i have plugged in being way too comfy to snooze in. plus i just washed my sheets and redid my bed and it's so very very comfy now... dangerous to be in my room when i am such a sleepy little sheepy by nature.

also i've been on birth control for like three months now, and my terrible acne has gotten much more tolerable, less terrible flare ups whenever i'm about to start my periods finally. and my periods are like, even shorter now? there's like no blood but all the Feelings are still there, which about tracks i wasn't expecting those to go away as easy. i'm too much of an emotional little cry baby you see, there's no stopping me from wearing my heart on my sleeves.

i have to be honest with my feelings, my heart is stuck in california with my partner, because he's been feeling the weight of the world crushing down on him the past few days, and it aches that i cannot be there to comfort him beyond words on a screen. i made a little fabric heart and sewed every good thought into it's stitches to give to him when we meet up finally, and i hope he feels it's blessing every day when he looks at it and understands he is loved and that he doesn't have to hold his worries up alone. it's my turn to hold him up emotionally like he did for me for so long.

i will marry that man if it's the last thing i do dammit. but first i have to move out there and find an okay job. i can't have him supporting me being unemployed for three months like i did with my roommates. i have to be better. for him, ya know?